Ask the Dark Lord.
by W'rkncacnter
Summary: What else could it be? New Chapter TWELVE up. Not the longest yet.
1. Month One.

I don't not own Harry Potter no matter how much a genius of 333 I.Q. try's, he can't own it. Okay folk's. My mom made me rewrite certain part's of this chapter. So enjoy the new chapter one.  
  
____________________________________________________  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
There's this boy that I have fallen In Love with. But at this moment he is stuck with his Abusive Aunt and her family. We'll any way, I want to find a way to keep him from falling into a very deep depression, and at the same time make him fall in love with me too? Also why exactly did you chose me three years back to be your stooge?  
  
An old friend from the Chamber of Secrets.  
  
Ginny Weasley.  
  
  
Dear Ginny,  
  
Nice to hear from you again. To your question,I used you because you remind me of Lilly Evans, who I had a crush on. But as to your request for advise. I suggest that you just tell him how you feel. Knowing him, he'll talk a little bit and then start to go out with you.  
  
Sincerely  
  
Voldemort.  
  
P.S. I think that will work.  
  
  
Dear Tomikins,  
  
I have been having nightmare's about when you used my blood to bring yourself back to life. So instead of sleeping, I have been searching through my feeling's and realized that I am in love with my best friends little sister. How should I tell her?  
  
Sincerely  
  
Harry Potter.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
Ask her to be your steady Girlfriend. Trust me. She is also in love with you.  
  
Tom,  
  
P.S. never call me Tomikins again.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Thanks for the advise, me and Ginny are really happy together. But now we both have a problem, and one we both share. First mine, about five minuets after your letter came in reply, I got a letter from Draco Malfoy declaring his Undying Love (A/N. The last two words were written with a shaky hand) for me. It wasn't a joke by him, what should I do. How do let him down with out breaking his heart? Now for Ginny's problem, The Dursleys say they'll release her in a week. But then she has to tell her family, and she wants to know the best way to tell them about me and her. And to the third problem, what should we do about the Dursleys locking us in the Cupboard under the stairs with nothing but the clothes on our back's. Well we wanted to know what the best way to get back at them that WOULDN'T be against the law?  
  
Not so sincerely  
  
Harry Potter And Ginny Weasley.  
  
  
Dear Harry, and Ginny,  
  
Who cares about hurting his feeling's, but since you are so weak when it comes to matter's of the heart. Okay send him a letter telling him that your not Gay, and that if he starts stalking you you'll have him arrested. Ginny's problem, don't tell them Just elope to Brazil. Now as to your shared problem, I'll come there and kill them for you. I'm on a break from trying to kill you since I am still not up to full power.  
  
Sincerely  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear All seeing Lord Who shall some day Rule all,  
  
I have several problems, (1. There's this boy that I am in love with, but he's not Gay. Do you know any charms to make him so. (2. How do I tell my father that I'm Gay. (3. and finally, will I still be allowed to join the Death-Eaters even though I'm Gay?  
  
Sincerely  
  
A Slytherin Gay guy, AKA, Draco Malfoy.  
  
  
Dear Malfoy's Gay son,  
  
(1. I don't know any spells to do that, and even if I did I wouldn't tell you because I want Ginny to be Happy. (2. You don't have to worry your little brain about that, I was going to kill him soon Anyway. (3. Sorry but I doubt that you could carry out missions that involve killing.  
  
Sincerely  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Why is the sky blue? Why is it that when I punch the wall my hand goes through it. Why does my Cousin get to be a wizard and not me? Can you hook me up with any Not so nice to Potter' Gay guys? And why does my chest hurt and then I pass out right after I exercise?  
  
Potter's Cousin.  
  
  
Dear Dudley, (I know your name because Potter sent me a letter as a joke about you.)  
  
It's blue because of a Prism affect. Either the wall is to thin or you just have too much fat behind that arm of yours. He gets to be a wizard because he had two parents that weren't Muggle's, both of yours are. I'll send Draco Malfoy your way. Finally, you better get your name on a heart downer list.  
  
Sincerely  
  
Tom Riddle  
  
  
Dear (And I use this term lightly) Tom,  
  
I enrolled in a Animagus Class at Hogwarts, but my form is so big that they expelled me from the school, (it could also be the fact that I ate my best friend.) What should I do to get back at them?  
  
Harry Smith.  
  
  
Dear Harry Smith,  
  
Just kill them all and let god sort them out.  
  
Your great GrandFather,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Dad,  
  
When are you going to get me out of this orphanage? Mrs. Crinkle hit me every day. I have no friends, and they just killed my pet snake. :( How can I get back at them. Or can you do it?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Jery Riddle.  
  
  
Dear Jery,  
  
I'm very sorry that I couldn't get you out any sooner, but I had a little problem with being a bodyless shadow. Don't worry, I killed the mean old lady.  
  
Love,  
  
Dady.  
  
____________________________________________________  
  
okay you know the drill send me letters to Tom and I reply.


	2. Month two.

Dear Tommy,   
  
Why are you so evil? Oh well... Say! To take a break from killing Harry and the Dursleys, could you kill Malfoy while your at it? He stole my stuffed bunny! Also, what would you do if I said that I drew you as a kitty cat? Ummm... that's it then, ja ne!  
  
  
-Rinoa Toki Moro Lockheart (2nd year Gryfindor)  
  
Anonymous  
Dear Extremely long named person who shall Die for Making fun of My name'  
  
Because in seventh Year I didn't get what I wanted I wanted for christmas. I'll take care of DRaco Malfoy while I kill my grand son's Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin. I'll take get back your stuffed Bunny for you, and get back my plastic bed liner and Fluffy Pink Flying snake slippers. And as for me as a Bunny? Could you send me an AutoGraphed Copy of it?  
  
Sincerely  
  
Tom Riddle  
  
P.S. If you give me that Picture I won't kill you for making for of my name.  
  
  
Dear tom, er, whatever,   
  
I'm a Slytherin girl who so wants Draco Malfoy! I heard this stupid rumor he was gay, but that can't be! We're destined to be together, and besides, his dad's gonna make him marry me any ways! Please write back.  
  
Pansy Parkinson  
  
  
Dear stupid Dork,  
  
Sorry he is Gay. Plus I just killed him and Potter's Family. Even if he survived the curse some how, I killed The Elder MAlfoy last week.  
  
Not So Sincerely  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
I want to know why I never got my Hogwarts Letter. I am Twelve Years Old for Gods sake. I know that I have magic in the blood, because I can control Dead Body's, and I can Move stuff with My mind. Also, my last name is also Riddle and If have traced it back to Jacob Riddle the Brother of your Father.  
  
Bye Tom.  
  
  
Dear ???  
  
They could have forgot to send the letter, or you're a Muggle. Necromancy is not only limited to wizard's. Mutant's, most American's, and even some monkeys can exhibit this ability. As for being able to move stuff with your mind, that comes from being a mutant.  
  
Sincerely  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom, (and I write this with up most Sarcasm)  
  
We did as you suggested. You know, we eloped to Brazil. But two Days ago my family started getting suspicious when the clock kept vanishing when ever my hand went to You Don't Want to Know.' So they activated a tracking charm they put on me before I left. (I told them I was going to check on Harry.) They caught up to us right before we got on the plain to America. My brothers beat Harry up then started to insult me, but Harry stooped them with one sentience. Leave, my wife alone. You should have seen the look on their face. Well any way, They gave Harry another Beating, then disowned me, saying that only my future children shall be welcome there. How do we get back at them? I all ready have down, that I won't let them near my Children. Also, what does it mean when you feel like puking all morning and then Eat Pickle's and Ice cream all day?  
  
Sincerely Mrs. Ginny Potter.  
  
P.S. I think I heard Harry say, Can you kill Bill? say, that Rhymes. He also said that you can meet him at The Shrieking SHack for a duel when the Doctor's take the full Body cast off him.  
  
  
Dear Mrs. Potter, (that one still sounds funny)  
  
That's Great news. (well not about Harry being beaten up.) I'll answer your questions in reverse order. Tell Harry to send me a letter when it comes off. Sure I'll Kill Bill. (That does Rhyme.) Look's like you'll be getting to deny your family the right to see your child sooner than you thought. Another way to torture them would be to send Muggle photo's of your Son or Daughter, with the face clipped off. I'll turn WormTail in so that You have a responsible Adult in the house. You know Sirius Black, the Muggle loving, falsely convicted Azkaban escapee.  
  
Welcome to the Family,  
  
Tom Riddle.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
(IN Sailor Moon voice) I am a fluffy little Bunny from Jupiter, and I shall punish You.  
  
Sincerely  
  
Sailor Bunny Scout.  
  
Dear Sailor Bunny Scout,  
  
Okay. I have the nuber for a highly respectible mental institution.  
  
From Tom.


	3. Month Three.

I do not own Harry Potter, or the questions sent to me by reviewers.  
  
_________________________________  
  
Anonymous  
Dearest Tommy,   
  
I have a number of questions for you. What did you want for Christmas in your seventh year? Are you seeing anyone? When you take over the world, will you let Harry and Ginny live and rule beside you? When you take over the world, can I have Japan? Most importantly, do you prefer girls or boys?   
  
With All My Love,   
  
Your secret admirer  
  
Dear Secret admirer  
  
I wanted a pack of Fluffy Pink Flying Snakes from the U.S.A. No I am not seeing any one, but every morning I keep waking up next to a different woman. No I won't share the glory, but they can live, I mean, what kind of a grand father would I be if I killed my only grandson. If you would perhaps want to know why I am not trying to kill him is that I found the boy's real father *Cough*Snape*Cough*. Since you flatter me so, Sure I'll let you have japan. Just send me some books on Tow Magic. Defiantly Girls. By the way, are you free saturday?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
  
Dearest Tommy,  
  
  
Honey, i just wanted to make sure your underpants were clean and if you were eating right! Mommy cares for you!  
  
Love,  
  
Your Mommy  
  
P.S. Yes, you ARE a mommas boy!  
  
  
Dear Mom,  
  
Just exactly how are you writing to me? And I am not a momma's boy (Runs and hide's every picture of his mom, muttering some thing about Worm's and tail's.). I go commando 24/7, and I eat nothing but candy and Hamburger's (Heart Attack here we come.).  
  
Love,  
  
Your son, Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Me and Harry went to the doctors today, and you were correct. I am pregnant. I know what you said, but I am Fourteen and can't take care of a child, go to school, and deal with my parents on my back to see their grandchild. We sent them a letter about the impending birth, and they said that if they can be a part of our lives, they will forgive us. But what I wanted to ask is. Shouldn't we be the one's setting the terms? It was them who did something wrong (Well unless you call. A Fifteen year old and a FourTeen year old eloping to Brazil, then becoming parent's, wrong.). Also, Harry say's to get rid of Nagini and get an Eyelash Viper. The former will start Eating Death Eater's.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Mrs. Virginia Potter.  
  
  
Dear Mrs. Potter (Or should I say Snape?),  
  
That's great news. Yes, you should be the one setting the terms. And no, I wouldn't call that wrong. After all, you two truly love each other, there's nothing wrong with that. I think I'll take that advise from Harry (She ate Nott the other day.)  
  
With no love or Hate,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Do you like Elliot Smith, Pink Floyd King Crimson, The Bears, or Junior Brown? Do you have a hit list if so could you post it? What's the cure for eating whole create of Penguin Cinnamon mint's? What's the cure for cancer? What is the meaning of life? What is Pie?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Very Hyper Pink Floyd fan.  
  
  
Dear Hyper,  
  
Those band are the best. My list of top ten song's are.  
  
1. Division Day (Elliot Smith)  
  
2. Son Of Sam (Elliot Smith)  
  
3. Frying Pan (King Crimson)  
  
4. The Construction of light (King Crimson)  
  
5. Money (Pink Floyd)  
  
6. On The Run (Pink Floyd)  
  
7. As You Are (The Bears)  
  
8. What's The Good Of Knowing (The Bears)  
  
9. Semi Crazy (Junior Brown)  
  
10. No Name #6 (Elliot Smith)  
  
The cure to cancer is found in Muggle Hospitals. The cure to Eating way to many caffeinated mints, is to go on one hell of a bender. My hit list is as follows.  
  
1. You.  
  
2. Dumbledore, Albus.  
  
3. McGonagal, Minerva.  
  
4. All the Weasley's. (Ginny is no longer a Weasley.)  
  
5. You.  
  
6. Brittany Spears. (A/N. Yay)  
  
7. Bill Clinton. (A/N. Yay)  
  
8. Osama Bin-Laden. (A/N. Yay)  
  
9. The Back Street Boy's. (A/N. Yay)  
  
10. N*Synch. (A/N. Yay yay yay yay)  
  
The Meaning of life is to futher the evolution of your spicies. Pie is either a tipe of desert, or the Greek term that is a infanit number best called 3.14.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
_________________________________  
  
Hope you guys liked it. And from now on please try to ask advise from tom.


	4. Month Four.

Signed  
Dear Tom,  
  
Helloo I probably have lots to ask so sit down and if possible glue this piece of parchment to your face. Er... if Snape is Harry's dad how come he looks like James? and if you are his great grandfather then you must be the dad of his dad right? Why are you still trying to rule the world?   
If you were an animagus what would you be?  
  
-Addy (Home Schooling Witch)  
  
P.S. Tell your great daughter and law I said congrats! :) ::cackles:: Well any ways   
toodles!! Oh! and would you like a chocolate Ice cream cake I made?  
  
Dear Addy  
  
He looks like James because there are a lot of charms on him that are set to go down slowly as he grows up. You see, when Lilly told Servus he would be a father he ran away, yelling that he was not the father. James, being the Muggle loving idiot he was, proposed to his mother so Harry wouldn't be a basterd. No I am not Snape's father. I am Snape's Mother's father. You know, that is some thing I have yet to figure out. You know what, I think I'll retire from the Dark Lord business and just do this article. But who should I place in control of my army? I became an Animagus when I was thirty, I was Giant Three Toed Sloth. (In Homer simpson Voice.) MMMMMMMMMMM, Chocolate Ice Cream Cake.  
  
Sincerely  
  
Tom Riddle  
  
P.S. My Friend, A.O.D. is also Home Schooled.  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
I was wondering, well since Snape is Harry's father, is Lily still Harry's mother? Oh, and if you had a crush on Lily, why did you kill her? Oh can you kill Pansy Parkinson? After I told her Malfoy was gay, she stole my exploding snaps cards! Can you get them back for me also?  
  
  
Dear Divine  
  
As I told Addy, yes she is Harry's mother. HE got her pregnant and then when she told him he denied that it was his. After all, who would you trust more, James, and Lilly, two Gryfindor Sixth year Prefect's, or a seventh Year Slytherin Head boy? I killed her because she excepted the proposal from the heir of Hufflepuff, who are secondary to even Gryfindor! Poor Stupid Pansy, can't except the fact that the gay boy she had crush on is dead. Sure i'll kill and get back your cards. But the pries is one pair of fluffy pink flying snake slippers.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
  
Friend here with a plea. Don't add Harry's Godfather, my Sirius, to your hit list. I Told Siri about the elope and he is sending Harry and Ginny a gift but don't know what they want. Oh, can you tell Harry that Siri and I will visit him soon, we got married. Sirius is in shock about the Snape problem, is there a spell, not killing or memory that can make him deal with it. kill bin-ladin slowly and painfully. then watch Gandhi.   
  
Sirius Amore  
  
  
  
Dear Sirius Amore,  
  
As I said earlier. I am retiring as soon as I take care of all the non Wizards on my his list. In other words, Bin-laden's ass is fried. He said that all he want's is a family that love's him and for his real father to love him. (Yes I told him Servus was his father.) I'll tell them that you're coming. Sorry but I am an old man with one foot in the grave, (All those Dark art's spell to make me stronger, faster, and smarter than most have an adverse affect on you when you get older.) so his death shall be rather fast. Also I would like to except your invitation to watch Gandhi, but last time I saw him I burst into flames. That Dude was one powerful wizard. As for getting sirius out of his shock just tell him that if he weren't Snape's son, then he would have died that night.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
  
Dear Tom,   
  
Did you have a crush on any of the girls in your house? Cause I was one and I liked you A LOT! Congratulations to Harry and Ginny on the pregnancy. Who's Harry's great grandmother?   
  
  
Yours Sincerely,   
  
  
Bethany R. Walker, AKA Lady Doblo  
  
  
Dear Mrs. Walker.  
  
No I didn't, but I did take advantage of all the girls in my house who did. I'll tell them you said congrat's. As for Harry's Great Grandmother, Do you remember the time were you disappeared with out a trace, then came back ten months later with no \ of what had happened?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
P.S. You were very good in bed. (Wink, wink.)  
  
  
Dear Tom,   
  
Why don't you like being called Tommy? You can still be just as evil! And I would send you a drawing but I do not know where you live as it is a *secret* hideout so I can't find the address. (sorry) No worries, I got my bunny back. Here, you can have one too! *hands Tom a stuffed bunny* I am sorry you did not get what you wanted for Christmas. And since you are giving your secret admirer Japan when you rule the world, can I have all of the manga? (Japanese form of muggle comics)  
  
  
Toodles,   
  
Rinoa Toki Moro Lockheart,  
  
P.S. Could I get the coordinates of you hideout so I can mail you the drawing?  
  
Dear Rinoa Toki Moro Lockheart,  
  
I just don't like it. That is what all the bullies at the orphanage called me. ( that means that the whole place called me that.) Just send It to P.O. Box 5, little whinning post office. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. This one completes my collection of fluffy bunny's. There, now I can finally have stuffed bunny tea party. You know, That species died out three month's afterward, but I did get a pack of fluffy Green Flying snakes later on in my life. Sure I'll order her to give you several copy's of all the MAGNA'S you want. They're called magna's not manga's okay.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
  
Dear Tom,   
  
Are you single?   
  
Lots a love, Eos.   
  
P.S. If you are, would you like to have a drink with me??  
  
  
Dear EoS.  
  
Yes I am single. But I'm sixty something and aging fast. (Wormtail better get that youth potion done soon.) The reason I said sixty something, is because when you get to my age, you start counting down, not up. And please next time you write to me, use proper grammar. I am so old that I don't give a second glance at women who can't write worth a pile of Potter's.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Me and Ginny just moved in with (P/R. [Picture reference.] This next two words are shakily written) My Dad. It's really weird, when he thought I was James son he treated me like shit. But now that he excepted me as his son, he's been trying to make up for all the lost birthday's and holidays. He finally treat's the Weeasley's with respect, (mainly because his daughter-in-law is one.) I guess he read your reply letter to Sirius Amore, and you were correct. But a some baby stuff would be nice. It's going to be a boy Ginny said, and just yesterday the doctors were able to conform it. Well, I wanted to know the best way to tell the public that the _Stories _in this publication are true.?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Harry Potter.  
  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
Yes, he most likely did. After all, I gave a copy to every one at the last Death Eater meeting. Just tell Rita Skeeter about it then go to Diagon Alley and proclaim that it is true. While I'm writing you I might as well tell you why you survived my killing curse. When I started ny Dark training, I put a charm on myself that would turn me into a vapor if I tried to hurt my blood relation's. It's the family gift for the first child to be a boy, that way the blood line go's on.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
P.S. All the other people who aske question's send their congrat's.


	5. Month Five.

I do not own Harry Potter or the letters from reviewers.  
  
_______________________________________  
  
Dear Tom  
  
Would you ever consider marring a muggle-born? Why do you suddenly love Harry   
Will you please kill Professor Sprout for me? She gave me an F on my exam.   
  
Tysha.  
  
Dear Tysha,  
  
Absolutely not. Why wouldn't anyone like Harry, with those big animie eye's. An how he kill's bug's with Serpent's breath. I wish my killing's were that original. And after all I have to make up for fourteen years of trying to kill my great grandson. Sorry, I am going to retire soon. But I will let Charles Lestrange kill her when he inherits my throne. Sorry to hear that you have to go to a summer, class on the subject's.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.   
  
  
  
Dear Tom Marvolo Riddle,   
  
  
Yes home schooling is a bummer! Er.. Why does it sound like you hate Snape and why did you have a crush on someone he had a child with. If I were to be animagus what would I be? Would you please kill Rita Skeeter she is an annoying roach woman that is still spreading bad rumors of Harry. And last question Where or when did you find out that Snape was his dad?   
  
-Addy (Home Schooling Witch)   
  
P.S. Would you kill me If you were to rule the world?  
  
Dear Addy,  
  
It sounds like I hate him because he stole the girl I liked. First off, I had a crush on Lily way before Servus and Lily were going out. I mean, she was HOT. Judging by the fact that you ask way to many question's, you seem hyper, are defiantly not social, it all points to the Chetah. And it would be my pleasure to kill that B****. How do I know that Snape is Harry's father? Well just before I killed her, Petunia screamed that Harry wasn't in fact, a Potter. That she had talked to her sister shortly before Lily had died.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Hi Tom!   
  
Thankies for the magnas, you're the coolest! (I still think they're mangas.) I'm though very sorry that you have a bad history with the name 'Tommy'.(Dang, that's such a cute name too!) I have successfully mailed the drawing, I'm just not sure when it'll get to your place. What is your favorite food? I like ravioli, they be yummy... And can I help you fry Osama's a- I mean, But? Ack, I refuse to use profanity...   
  
Best wishes,   
  
Rinoa Toki Moro Lockheart.  
  
Dear Rinoa Toki Moro Lockheart,  
  
I always love to have another set of print's... You didn't hear that! Got it. Why bother prevent yourself from using my fav. word's in the english dictionary. Like I told my Mum, all I eat is candy, and Burger King Burger's with extra saturated Fat. (I know that's impossible, eh?)  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
I'm a muggle born witch, so I hope you'll have no bias toward me, but anyway, do you now any good permanent potions or spells that can make a certain gay Slytherin to like me?   
  
Sincerely,  
  
The girl with dentists for parents.  
  
P.S. Could you kill Ron first?  
  
P.P.S. I completely support Harry's and Ginny's eloping.  
  
  
Dear Hermione,  
  
Sorry but 1) There are no potions to change a person's sexuality. 2) I killed Draco. 3) The plot of the story will become, this is talking about the book's by J.K.; R/Hr. 4) You are a mudblood and even if he did like girls, and was still alive along with his father. Lucius, wouldn't hear of his son with a MudBlood.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
P.S. Next time you try asking advise about love talk to Harry Potter and his wife, okay _Lavender?  
  
_P.P.S. next time you try to send a letter using some one else's name use Muggle foraging forms.  
  
P.P.P.S. I also like my Great daughter-in-law.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
I have a former student who is trying to take over the world and get rid of all Muggle Born, and muggle's in the world. What should I do?  
  
Best Wishes,  
  
?????????.  
  
  
Dear Albus,  
  
Don't worry have decided to retire from the Dark lord business. And Lestrange should be easy enough to defeet.  
  
With up most hate,  
  
Voldemort.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Me and Ginny, (her stumache is ton big for her to write properly, pluss the baby started kicking.) would like to have you presant at the birth. After all you did to get us together. I have enclosed a longer lasting vertion of poly juice potion that I cmae up with. Albus has expelled me for some reson (Hmm, could it be that he wants me to be there for Tom's Birth. We now live in America, I shall be attending public magic school here.) As you can see we also decided to name him after you.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Harry Potter.  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
I woulld be honured to come.  
  
See You there,  
  
Tom.


	6. Month Six.

I do not own Harry Potter or any of the name's used by reviewers. Next time send your letters to Harry, I got that Idea from Lilly Smith's Ask the Dark Lord.  
  
____________________________________________________  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Are you single? Have you gotten your youth potion yet? Do you have MSN Messenger? Do you like me? *giggles* Congrats to Harry and Ginny on their wedding and congrats to their baby, Tom. I love the name! Hope you are having as much fun as I am. ;) :)   
  
Yours Truly,   
  
Larissa.  
  
Dear Larissa, have you not been reading this column. Of course I am single, but I am seeing Jan Brady. (A/N. I don't own that name, who ever owns the Brady Bunch does. See Chapter Three for the letter. I made the name up to go along with the letter.) No WormTail got caught shortly after he started making the potion. Do I have what? Would you never write me a letter again if I go out with you on Friday? Yes, I know how you feel. I am Very happy for Harry. I know what ot feel's like to grow up unloved. Now that he is starting a family of his own, he can start to fill that void in his heart that I created. Yes it was a good name till my father had it. That filthy muggle. How couldn't I be having fun, I get all the gossip a day early.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom  
  
  
Konichiwa!   
  
Wow, I wish I could live on candy and Burger King's burgers... Special... Any ways, besides this answering column, what are you going to do when you retire? Not much to say today so I'll leave you alone now.  
  
-Rinoa Toki Moro Lockheart  
  
Dear Rinoa Toki Moro Lockheart  
  
No you don't, I've had three heart Attack since Potter brought me back to life. God do they hurt. Um... I guess this is all that I am going to do.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
P.S. What does that word mean. I know that it is Japanese.  
  
  
Dear Voldemort,  
  
Hi! My name is Selena. I'm a special little witch that has the power over time! Do you have a secret wish? Well here, I remember you wanted something like this *hands him a stuffed pink bunny with little fangs* I hope it makes up. Anyway, I'm pretty surprised you killed my twin! Draco was never THAT bad! In fact, he was planning to give you a tub full of sugar for your birthday coming up and he was starting to like Ron (we're telepathic so I could read his thoughts). Well, I think he still would if you want me to bring him back. I hate our parents so they can stay dead. They were going to give you saw dust I think. Well, anyway, would you give this to Harry and Ginny? *baby shower is given* I hope for the best! Anyway, tell me what you would like to do! And I wouldn't mind helping Lestrange when he takes over the throne, you know, make it a little harder for Dumbledore to win the dark vs. light fight (that rhymes! ^^). Well, this is getting LONG! By!   
  
-Selena, Draco's Adorable and Gorgeous Twin Sister!  
  
  
Dear Selena,  
  
I know for a fact that The Malfoys put their daughter up for adoption. And that only Muggle born's can posses power over Time. Plus I didn't kill Mrs. Malfoy, Really a tub full of sugar? With how rich his family is he could at least give me a pool full of brown sugar. How exactly am I supposed to ship a Baby shower to America? You'll have to talk to Charles about joining the Death Eater's. I have officially retired and now live in Sweden.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
The Doctors have set a due date of March 15th. So I have to get a job so I can properly fill out the insurance forms. Can I work at The Daily Prophet with you? My new home is in America, just to let you and all the postal service's know where I am.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry Potter in Detroit.  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
Don't worry, I'll be there for the birth of my Great, Great, grandson. My boss has been on my case for threatening reader's and say's he'll fire me if I don't tone it down a bit. So I'll tell that I'm letting you take it over for a month then you can work your own column on father hood. (the last guy who wrote in that one went insane from people asking how to make a baby stop crying [that was the only thing he didn't know how to do[) Thanks for the new address.  
  
Love,  
  
Tom  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Well since Lily is dead, do you like anyone else? That's nice of Harry and Ginny to name their son after you, tell them congrats for me! Pansy isn't dead yet, but the other day I caught her in a broom closet with an inflatable doll that looks like Malfoy... Eeewww Well I tried to tell her he was dead, but she then stole my candy. Can you get my candy and my cards back?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Divine.  
  
  
Dear Divine,  
  
Like I told Selena, I am seeing Jan Brady. Yes, I know how much of an honor it is to have some one named after me. And did you have to tell me that. I had to copy the rest of your letter with magic because I puked on the original. I'll send her his head along with a death serctificate. The shock just might kill her. Plus I snuck in to her house yesterday and took back your stuff, which I have sent by express owl to you; and my plastic bed liner's.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom  
  
  
Hola Tom,   
  
Congrats on the Great-Grandson! Now onto my problems- if someone is in a mental institution, what is a foolproof way (short of being sane) to get out? My roommate and her monkey are driving me nuts... I like cashews, but I'd say you're a pistachio.   
  
Much Love,   
  
Maggy  
  
Dear Maggy,  
  
First off, it will be my Great, Great Grandson. There are only two way's out of one of those that are legal. One, Be sane. Two, put on a good sane act. Then there is the illegal way. Kill all the doctor's, Nurse's, and orderly's. And as for your room mate. Kill the Monkey. I hate fruits and nut's.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Can you kill all the Malfoys? Hermione is being a brat about the response you gave her, and has started RFPCTMAHIH (Researchers for potions and charms to make homosexuals into heteros) Where's Ginny any way? She left her baby things here, and if I send them to her, Mum and Dad would kill me. Oh well. I wanna become a Death Eater.  
  
With all my hate,  
  
Ron.  
  
Dear Ron,  
  
What did I ever do to you? Well besides put that spell on Hermione that made her obsessed with the dead Malfoy kid. But tell there is only one potion to make him change and he has to want to change because you have to kill your first child who has to be the child of the one who is gay. And use all it's blood then add some of both people's blood and some Whomping Willow leave's. About the Death Eater thing. Charles thinks he has enough minion to take over the world. Talk About stupid. The more Minions the better. And just send the stuff from her child hood to to me since I'll be helping set up the baby's room.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
Dear Tom  
  
Hey Tom! How old were you when you lost your virginity! Oh and can I have sex with you,to piss of my parents? BYE Babe!  
  
Sincerely,  
  
A kid who wants to piss off her parent's.  
  
Dear Nutter,  
  
I shall not even dignify that with an answer.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––  
  
Okay people, you heard Tom, send letter's ton Harry this time. And none like Isis sent, okay?


	7. Month Seven.

I do not own Harry Potter or the Question's sent to me by reviewers. **This is the last chapter that will have questions sent answered by Harry. Tom Will also answer the ones sent to him. Now tell me what you think about a real fic based on this one's plot?  
  
__________________________________________**  
  
Dear Harry and You-Know-Who,   
  
BASTERD!!!! HOW COULD YOU KILL MY CEDRIC?!?!? IT'S BOTH OF YOUR FAULTS!!! But Harry, I'll forgive you. I heard Hermione and Ron talking one night and they said something about you having a crush on me! I had no idea! Maybe I'll forgive you so we can go out? Answer me quick Harry! I bet we could make it work! Oh, and I just wanted to say that we share something in common! We're Seekers (like your dad!) and we both hate Snape and You-Know-Who! Alright, I'll be waiting for your reply. Bai! *kisses*   
  
-Cho Chang, Ravenclaw Seeker  
  
  
Dear Ms. Chang  
  
It is true that I used to have a crush on you. But that was before Cedric was killed. Sorry, but I don't think that my wife would apriceate it if we were to go out. I was expelled from Hogwart's so that I could go to school near my wife and soon to be son, so I am no longer a Seeker. I don't hate Servus or Voldemort because I am Snape's son and Tom's Great Grandson. So to sum it up for your little brain. I am no longer atrackted to you!  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry.  
  
  
  
Dear Harry  
  
Since we were told to send you letters we did. Hi it's Sirius and his new wife Amanda (Hi Harry, so glad you and Ginny got together). Any ways, we gonna come to America (no Dementors or Fudge) and well we'll visit you, Ginny, and Tom. (Oh, do you two want to be godparents. Twins) See you soon Harry.  
  
Love,  
  
Sirius and Amanda.  
  
  
Dear Sirius and Amanda,  
  
Yes it does feel good to be away from tyranny of fudge (Who is by the way considered a war criminal Here.) and the Dementors which are banned here. Nice to here that you're now free. Dad say's Bite me That was just to good to not say. But he really did say that. Why don't you come for Christmas, that's when we are going to set up the nursery for Tom. Tom, the Weasley's, and my dad are coming to help. That's great news. Sure we'll be God Parent's to your twins. Well maybe I better talk with Ginny first. But knowing her (and I should being her husband and all.) she'll say yes. See you in december.  
  
Love,   
  
Harry.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
What have you done to my little girl! She used to be so nice. Now all she does is eat, sleep, and make sure her baby is safe. When I get my hands on you I'll kill you! This is all your fault, she was always willing to help out around the house. Then you stole her from us, and got her pregnant. She is only fourteen. When I was a child if she were to become pregnant, she would almost die of shame. I almost did, and I lost the Baby. Sorry about that Harry, it's just that I didn't want what happened to me to happen to you. Well I just want to tell you that we will be there for Christmas. Also. Do you know any spell's to Fix' a cat?  
  
Love,  
  
Your Mother-in-law.  
  
Dear Molly,  
  
Sorry about the steeling your only daughter part. And as for losing your child. You ended up with the better man. After all, I thought you hated the Malfoys because they were jerks. But it's really because he abandoned you. I'll see you guy's at Christmas. To fix' a cat just go to a veterinarian, don't act to wizard like.  
  
Love,  
  
Harry.  
  
P.S. Ginny say's the baby's been kicking a lot. And that you can come and visit any time.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
Why did you kill me? I could have been a good ssssservant. But you sssssstuck Godric, Griffindor'ssss ssssword through my brain cassse. All I ever wanted wasssssss a family that loved me. Then when I was just about to reach my goal you kill me. Whatsssss up with that?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
The DEAD Basilisk.  
  
Dearly departed Pet,  
  
Sorry about that. Bit you were trying to eat me. What would you have done in my place? You were also keeping me from saving my future wife. I'll try and find a potion that will bring you back. Dumbledore said that human's can't be brought back to life. Not Snakes.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry Potter.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
I thought you were in love with me. You did go to the Yule Ball with me. But what's this I hear about you and Ginny getting married? And that she's now pregnant? Did you think I was to good for you? I would never be that Shallow. But now you can... Just go to hell!!!!  
  
You have broken my heart,  
  
The Now Gay Lavender Brown.  
  
Dear Ms. (I think.) Brown,  
  
My Great Grand Father left me a number for just about every type of mental hospital. I'll just give you the number for broken heart ward at St. Mungo's. Sorry to hear that you are now gay.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
I was arrested for using level twenty Gray Magic. (Like the stuff from Dragon Ball Z called Ki.) Do you know how to get out of the punishment which is three months in The American equivalent of Azkaban. (It doesn't have Dementors.) I was killing a some one who was trying to kill me and had already killed the rest of my family.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Master of the pawn.  
  
  
Dear Pawn Master,  
  
From what I hear, you must not be a wizard if you can perform ki blast's. I'll put you in contact with a group of people who can help you get out of it. If don't wish to let any one know that you can do that, just tell the court that you were just trying to stay alive.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry Potter.  
  
  
Hi Honey,  
  
I wanted to ask if you could bring home a gallon of Ice cream, a jar of pickle's, and a Brick of tofu Chicken. Also, Albus called and said that he will also be there when the baby is born. Oh My, Tom is going to be there. Those two hate each other with a passion. Well, it's you who wanted them there. You figure it out.  
  
With all my Love,  
  
Ginny.  
  
  
Dear Ginny,  
  
Sure thing. But that problem is a big one. Maybe Tom has enough self control. But I don't know about Albus. (Sorry Albus but you do hate him more than he hate's you.) Oh well... I'll think of some think of some thing.  
  
All my love,  
  
Harry.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
Why haven't you been to my grave sight yet. You have been in the Magical world for five years now. Surly you should have asked to see me and James' grave. Even Voldemort asked to see his mother's grave in his second year.  
  
What the Hell's taking you?  
  
Your Mum  
  
  
Dear Lily,  
  
Bite Me.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry Potter.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
That was no way to treat the woman who gave birth to you. Now Apologize to my wife. You little shrimp.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
James Potter.  
  
  
Dear Mr. Potter,  
  
I shall repeat to you what I told my mum.  
  
Bite Me.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry.  
  
P.S. Don't you talk about respecting your elder's. I know that you almost hurt your parent's on purpose once when you didn't get as many present's as you did the last year for your birthday.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
Could you please get Tom to take this charm off me. I want to barrow Pansy's Draco Malfoy inflatable doll.  
  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Hermione.  
  
  
P.S. Please if you can't then at least get me one of those doll's.  
  
  
Dear Herm,  
  
Eeewww. I'll tell him he wont be a part of my family if he doesn't.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
I promises that I'll behave like a gentle men around Tom. Just Please let me there. I have been present for the birth of every Snape since I was Twelve. And That was llllllooonnng time ago.  
  
Love,  
  
Albus.  
  
  
Dear Albus,  
  
Okay. But if you put one foot out of line I will have Your A** kicked out of there. Got That?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Please answer my question! If you wont,will you still have sex with me?!  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Isis.  
  
Dear Bitch,  
  
I was fifteen, are you Happy now? And NO I will not have sex with you. Go to Hell  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
P.S. I am going to tell your parent's about this young lady!  
  
Dear Harry  
  
Congrats on the baby and everything now on to my question . How does it feel to be Snape's son and Toms great grandson . Oh and welcome to America anytime your down in Atlanta lets all go out to the Varsity for some chile dogs:  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Arcee.  
  
  
Dear Arcee,  
  
Yes. In three month's I will be a father. As for being Snape's son. He really isn't all that if you're on his good side. And being the great grandson of Voldemort. He was only doing us good by getting rid of the duffer's from Hufflepuff. He did get rid of the last heir of the filthy witch! I we ever take vacation to Atlanta we might take you up on that offer.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry Potter,  
  
  
Hey Harry,   
  
Didn't know if you were still getting letters so telling you we'll see you on December 18 and see about finding a house nearby. (Harry do you know of a house four bedrooms that we can find. One baby's a girl the others a boy) There names are going to be Faith and Kyle. (See you then, babies should possibly be born)  
  
  
Love   
  
Sirius and Amanda   
  
P.S. We can get James and Lily to stop pestering you.  
  
Dear Sirius and Amanda,  
  
  
I am only getting letter's because some idiot's didn't send in their letter's till after this month's edition was published so my boss made me finish the letter's. As for your arrival date. We're going to king Crimson concert that night. But i'll send you a key to the front door. We have a finished basement and that is were you can stay while you're here. We have it separated into three different room's. Each have a fire place. Look for the room with two bassinets in it. There is a four bedroom house across the street that is for sale. Don't worry about my mom and Mr. Potter, I can take care of myself. You can still call me by Potter, my dad want's to see the look's on the face's of the slytherin's when he treat's me like a son. Ginny said that we would be happy to be the Godparent's of the twin's.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry.  
  
Dear Mr. Riddle,  
  
I am not a Mrs., I'm a Ms. And I was going to join the Death Eaters, but I guess I'll just have to start my own army. GOODBYE!   
  
-Bethany R. Walker, who just might go back to James Malfoy, since he treated me good.   
  
P.S.- you aren't good in bed at all.  
  
  
Dear Old Hag,  
  
I am very sorry for insulting you. Not. You are just as old as me. I didn't let old people join the rank's. Sorry to hear that you are still a miss. NOT! You know as far as I care you could go to hell. No one will join the army of an old woman. The only way you could get an army together before you died would be if you were as rich as the Malfoy's, and offered your Riches to who ever joined.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
P.S. Did you think I got you in bed for you? No. I was purely for me.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
I am still waiting for you to visit my grave!!!  
  
Love your Mum,  
  
Lily.  
  
Dear Lily,  
  
I shall answer that Letter With a quote from Bender of Futurama.  
  
Kiss... My... Shinny... Metal... Ass!  
  
And another one.  
  
Bite Me.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry.  
  
  
Dear Little basterd,  
  
If you do one more thing like that we'll come up there and haunt you till eternity.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
James Potter.  
  
  
Dear pathetic pile of shit,  
  
Bite me.  
  
Non–Sincerely,  
  
Harry.  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
Could you please give me your address. I haven't seen Ginny since my brother's and I beat you're sorry a**.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Ron.  
  
  
Dear Ron,  
  
The Floo address is the serpent pit.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry.  
  
P.S. Go Snog Hermione.Dear Harry,   
  
_______________________________________________


	8. Month Eight.

  
I Don't own Harry Potter. I'll try to to start the real fic based on this soon.  
  
______________________________________________  
  
Dear Dark Lord (or you were before retiring),   
  
I have a student with a serious fungus infection on their arm and whenever I try to treat it it gets worse and turns pink! If you could help me figure out what's wrong I'll send your great grandson a present! No, no bribery. Um, well, I thought Slytherins were suppose to be good at Potions. Did you mention that Harry Pot-Snape I mean. Sorry about that, did you mention that he needed to finish his magical education here in America? Well, I am the Headmistress of a school and I'm sure both Mrs. Snape/Potter and Mr. Snape/Potter would be more then welcome to come to our school. Please ask him for me the next time you write to him.   
  
Also, I've been looking for a Potion's Master for several years now. Would you like to take the job since you will no longer be the Dark Lord? I would very much appreciate it! You would definitely be much better then that ninny Lockheart who works for me now. I await your reply. I must warm you, if you want the job you must scare Lockheart away (not that that's very hard).   
  
-Headmistress Selena Moonlight, First Order of Merlin Grade 1 of the School Festiva of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Finest School in America.  
  
  
Dear Ms. Selena Moonlight.  
  
The best cure that I can come up with right now is the Dragon's Breath Acid. Talk to Mr. Potter about getting your on shipment. He is the only brewer in the world crazy enough to brew that dangerous poison. Although, his father might be teaching it to the seventh years as a non hands on lesson. Or, he'll have Harry come to show the class what it look's like. He obviously has the family potion skills. Hid did alter the Poly Juice Potion. As for the magical education, he is currently going to Akari Magical High. But i'll tell him about your school for next year. I'll gladly take a teaching position. As long as the class room isn't in the basement. Being underground scare's me, almost as much as it scare's Lockheart. I though that his memory was blasted to bit's by my Great Grandson's friend? I'll just have Charles kill him.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
P.S. I have located Osama Bin–Laden and am going to turn him in for dead for the bounty. What can I say, I'm stil a gready little basterd (Check this dictionary and it's true. I was born out of wedlock, there fore I am A basterd.)  
  
Dear Lord Voldemort,   
My name is Kassandra... I have jet-black hair and bright green eyes- some say I look like the 'famous Harry Potter' I wanted to know... do you know if we're related in any way? I mean- I've read all the fan fics of Harry having a twin sister, and since you were the one there on that night- did he really? Who am I really? Help...   
  
[Kassi]  
  
  
Dear [Kassi]  
  
There aren't many people with combonation of hair and eyes. Harry would have had a half sister had I not killed Lily before she was born. I have yet to find the heir of merlin. But Aberforth Dumbledore is the heir of Griffindor, and Albus is the heir to Reavenclaw. (Both had different mother's but stil l look like twin's.) James' cousin went on the create Pokémon.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom Riddle.  
  
P.S. For your truble of writing to me I'll send you a pack of the newest Pokémon card's.  
  
Not so dear old friend of me,   
  
You utter bastard! you liar! you didn't sleep around! you would have told me! And in case you have forgotten, the Walker's are very rich (richer then the Malfoy's) and Bethany is already building an army AND gone back to James. Least he didn't ever lie. Go to hell.   
  
Not Sincerely at all,  
  
Ares Heraldry.  
  
PS-I still have a note that you passed to me in History of Magic saying that you liked Bethany.  
  
PPS-I got married to Karen De'Blanche.  
  
Dear who ever you are.  
  
See how easy it is to minipulate the human brain? To put in memory's that were wiped or never there in the first place. That was how I got the Muggle minister to let me go when I was cought at the age of fithteen for the muder of one of my bunk mate's at the orphanage.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
Dear Tom,   
  
Thanks for getting back my candy and cards! Anyway, if you can own one country, which one would it be? Um... What's your favorite color in the rainbow? If you can make a holiday, what would you call it?   
  
Sincerely,   
  
Divine  
  
Dear Divine,  
  
You're very welcome. A country all to myself? Hmmm... That would have to be Japan. My favorit color in the rainbow... Green of course. I make a holliday in honur of snake's. It would be called Snake Day.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tommy Lommy,  
  
You zee i 'ave zis boyfriend 'oo likez 'Arry potter more zen me. What do i do?   
  
love,   
  
i iz not telling.  
  
  
Dear Fluer,  
  
Just dump the loser. Or if yopu have to, ask Harry for some Dragon's Breath Poison. And stop asking for love advise.  
  
Please stop,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
  
Dear tom.   
  
You got me expelled!! Man tom, I thought we was friends! By the way....  
What happened to ya'? I mean ya' was nice when I first met ya'. But you had to go an' open the chamber and blame me fer it. Oh well! BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.  
  
~Yer best friend,   
  
R. Hagrid   
  
P.S. i think i love you!  
  
  
Dear Rubeus,  
  
I hope that P.S. was just a joke, because if it wasn't... As for framing you for Mirtle's death. Do you remeber when we made that pact that said we wouldn't let friend ship get in the way of our education.  
  
Sorry about getting you expelled,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,   
  
Hey! Hi Harry! Anyway, I have a crush on my friend but I don't want to, I just do, you understand? And I hate being ordinary, what can I do? I think you rock, even at old age. :) You're my idol since god knows when! Thanks for reading! Ciao!   
  
The Super Star   
  
P.S. What's the most effective way of killing an annoying person?  
  
  
Dear Hermione,  
  
Just stop being friends with this person. Or give up not wanting to go out with Ron and ask him out.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom  
  
P.S. If you want to make it look like some body else did it. Slip some Dragons Breath into this person's glass. If it is Harry, then don't bother he can tell when some Dragon's breath is in any thing.  
  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
A former employee of yours refuses to acknowledge the fact that I am the only woman for him. What would you suggest: the cat-o-nine tails or a simple Imperius Curse?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Ivory Tower.  
  
Dear Ivory Tower,  
  
Okay folk's could you please stop asking love addvise? I have killed my last wife for being a ministry spy. Imperious would be the best.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,   
  
I tried acting sane and no one believed that so I went with your second suggestion instead- killing everyone in the asylum. Well that didn't exactly work either and I just ended up letting all the crazies out and living in the ceiling. Thanks anyway.   
  
Much Love,   
  
Maggy   
  
P.S.- So if you don't like fruits or nuts, what do you eat?  
  
  
Dear Maggy,  
  
I'll get you out of there as soon as I can. Like I have siad before, all I eat is Candy and food's high in saturated fat.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
Dear Lord Voldemort,   
  
Hi!!!! Do you like pink fluffy bunnies that eat bananas? Do you like pink fluffy bananas that eat bunnies? And what do I do if I am adddicted to raisens? Need. . . more. . .can't live . . . without them. . .   
  
Nova.  
  
Dear Nova,  
  
OKAY... (Walks away slowly.) I have a nuber for you to call and give them your name and address. There you can have a the raisin's you want.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Ginny has gone into early labour. They are goin to preform a sesection when we get to the hospital. Please Hurry. And take the Tri juice potion first. Aberforth, and Albus will be there.  
  
Love,  
  
Harry.  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
I'll be there in a minuet.  
  
Love,  
  
Tom.  
  



	9. Month Nine.

Dear Tom Riddle,   
  
Thank you very much! The treatment worked very nicely. Of course Lockheart removed the poor child's SKIN before this! Needless to say, all of this madness got worse. If your great grandson hadn't come to bring the potion I swear I would have killed Lockheart myself. I suppose you must be very proud of him for his wonderful skills. And thank God you have killed that creep Osama BinLaden! He deserved whatever you did to him. Thank you for considering Mr. and Mrs. Potter to my school. We have many choices for them so please feel free to set up a time for visiting if you'd like. Lockheart is becoming stranger every day.   
  
As for your previous comment, yes, Lockheart DID loose his memory. Unfortunately he got it back but the second he saw Mr. Potter, he relapsed but returned to normal afterwards. I thank you for assigning a hit man to kill him. I think he was saying something about scaring you off when you stopped being the Dark Lord. Needless to say he became very frightened when I mentioned you would be coming for his job. He thought I was joking.  
  
Well, I must be off now. I think I've heard an explosion and it can only be one person.   
  
-Headmistress Selena Moonlight   
  
P.S. No, our Potions class room is in the fifth Tower, very far from the dungeons. Please come soon to make suggestions and please send my regards to Mr. and Mrs. Potter on their new child. Also, a certain Percy Weasley has asked for a job at my school for checking the thickness of cauldron bottoms. What's the best thing to do with Him?  
  
Dear Ms. Moonlight,  
  
Slip some of the left over poison from the cure to the infection into Percy glass. He will not live through the hour. By that time poison will be all but out of his system. I'll tell them what you said. Ginny has already decided to go there next year. Harry though, well. Servus is going to be spying for Albus. So He'll be teaching potion's at Hogwart's. He'll be the second youngest teacher ever at Hogwarts. Alfred Malfoy should be there to kill Lockheart any time now. I don't think you want to know what I did to BinLaden. Well maybe you do, but I'm not going to tell. Talk about a egotist, thinking he can scare me. Make sure to rub it in his face that his life will be ending soon.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
D-dear M-M-master   
  
I HATE YOU BASTARD!! IT WAS YOUR FAULT HARRY KILLED ME!!!!   
  
Quirell   
  
P.S. I Thought what we had was special! I thought you loved me the way I loved you!!  
  
  
Dear Quirell,  
  
How exactly are you writing to me? I let you die because you expendable.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom  
  
  
Dear Thomas,   
  
Hi Tom last night was a blast, I never knew Yoga could be so fun!! Anyway, What's the best way to Kill an annoying little rat that keeps telling me that   
I turned my back on the Dark Lord? Can I call you Tim?   
  
S. Snape   
  
P.S. Harry is the best son I could ask for!! We play catch and we make snow men and we do all sorts of manly father, son stuff!   
  
P.S.S. Are you mad at me for telling steve that Ben and John were going out with a donkey?  
  
  
Dear Servus,  
  
I have no idea what you are talking about. But I did get really drunk the other night. I have no idea who you are talking about.  
  
How many drink's did I have?  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Hiya Tom!   
  
Oh. Heart attacks scare me... O.o Anyway, do you think today is a lovely day? I think it is. Also, what colored socks are you wearing right now? I have white ones on.   
  
Ummm... Toodles,   
  
Rinoa Toki Moro Lockheart.  
  
  
Dear Rinoa Toki Moro Lockheart,  
  
Yes, it is a beautiful. The sun is shining, the bird's chirping, and I have a Great Great Grandson. Sock's. I have green one's on at the moment. And Heart attack's are something to be scared of. Don't go on the diet I'm on. Because if you do, YOU SHALL DIE.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
We're going to bring Your name sake home soon. He has your Hair, and eye's. (Flat, jet black hair. And blood red Eye's.) But he has my dad's nose and Ginny's blue eye's around the center. What should I do about him not looking one bit like James Potter. Also, could keep an eye on Ginny and Little Tom while I'm in Britain showing the seventh, sixth, and fifth year classes what a proper Dragon's Breath is like. Finally, were is a good place to get about thirty Gold Cauldrons, for the Dragon's Breath? The seventh years will be making it.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Harry.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
It's good to hear that he's out of intensive care. With your potion's talent you could easily make a Glamour Potion of some sort. I would be glad to keep an eye on them. Even though Sirius and Amanda live across the street from them. Have fun back home in Britain. Try Knockturn Alley for that many Golden Cauldrons. Although you can't be sure if they aren't stollen. Try not to let the Gryffindor's mess up the potion.  
  
Love,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Make my son go to my grave!  
  
Hate,  
  
Lily Evans/ Potter.  
  
  
Dear Lily,  
  
Harry told me to tell you this.  
  
Bite Me!  
  
Love,  
  
Tom.


	10. Month Ten.

Disclaimer: Roses Are Red,  
Violets are Blue,  
Me Don't own,  
so you don't sue.  
  
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––  
  
  
Dear Tom,   
  
Why does Harry hate his own mother? My other question is I really like this guy at school, but so does every other girl! How can I make him notice me?   
  
Yours very evilly,   
  
DA.  
  
  
Dear D.A.  
  
I have no Idea why he now hate's lily. But I think it's because she didn't leave a statement in her will for Harry never go to the Dursleys. Try telling him how you feel. If that doesn't work... Than transfer to another school. Or you could kill of the competition.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
  
  
Dear Tom,   
  
Hiya! Outta curiosity, how do dead people like Quirrell, Lily, and James write to you? What's your favorite type of candy? What do you think is the most worthless spell?   
  
Sincerely,   
  
Divine.  
  
  
Dear Divine,  
  
To tell you the truth... I have no idea how they write. It might even be a prank by some sick person. My fav. type of candy is cow tail's (You Know, Caramel wrapped around a core of pure sugar.) As for the most useless spell. I would have to say the pink toad charm. It turn's the color of a toad to pink.  
  
Love,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Dark Lord sir,   
  
I think your cool. You may be the coolestest person on the face of the earth. So, my question is... Can I become one of your Death Eaters? PLEASE!!! I'd be REALLY helpful in getting you to take over the world! PLEASE!!!   
  
Luv ya lots,   
  
Slytherin Princess  
  
  
Dear S.P.  
  
Um... Have you been in a Coma for the past year? I am retired now! Stop asking whether or not you can join the Death Eaters. Talk to Charles' son about joining. Okay?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Mr. Tom Riddle,  
  
I assure you, I am very hesitant to ask what you did to Bin Laden but I assure you that if it was THAT bad then you must have done a good job. Well, I've told Lockheart that you sent someone to kill him and I'm sure he would have believed me if Mr. Percy Weasley hadn't said something about you being a coward and not killing him yourself.  
  
Well, unfortunately he said this the second before he drank the poison so Lockheart believed that he died from all the fame and beauty he was radiating *gag* so I only went along so his death would be all the better to watch. Well, I am sorry that Mr. Potter will not be coming to my school but I am very delighted to hear that Mrs. Potter has agreed to come! Will their children be attending as well?  
  
Well, I must be going. Please come when you would like to view the grounds. I'm hoping you could taunt Lockheart before he is killed.  
  
-Headmistress Selena Moonlight  
  
  
  
Dear Ms. Moonlight,  
  
The American government should be announcing that Osama Is dead, soon. Tell Iccle Lockheart That I'm taking off the hit order and am going to kill him my self. If he need's to know It's me... Then just tell him The Year with The Yeti growl's'. That's what I told him when I almost decided to kill that B******. Mr. Potter will only be teaching at Hogwarts for one year. He said that then he'll come there next year, he also said that he has been offered the job of Potion's Teacher at Akari Magical High. Of course he accepted. But that is only when he graduate's. I'll be there on the tenth of May to kill LockHeart and to view his Victims... Err grounds.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,   
  
Would you like me to teach you Albhed? Maybe I'll help with the Lily issue! What's your favorite type of flower? Have you played FF9? Do you think Vivi and Eiko from FF9 is a cute couple?  
  
-Addy (Home Schooling Witch)  
  
  
Dear Addy  
  
What's the Albhed... Or is it best that you not tell me? I would take your help on the problem with Mrs. Potter, but I at least deserve to punished a little bit. My fav. Flower is the lily. What those? Muggle game's? Well you can be assured I have no idea what they are.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
  
Dear Tom,   
  
What did I do to you? You made That fat guy kill me for no reason. I know that you're the dark lord and you are s 'posed to kill people, but why me? I was a good student i got good grades. I didn't swear. I didn't annoy people. Well maybe i did annoy people a little, but still I had a good life. Oh well I thank you for making it quick and painless. And I forgive you for my death. And wish you congrats on your new great great grandson. Tell Harry I said HI. and i guess that's all.   
  
P.S. Cho, Get a life you Bitch!   
  
Cedric.  
  
  
Dear Cedric,  
  
Could you get Lily off Harry's back? He can't take care of Little tom with how tired he is. And you're welcome for the quick and painless death.  
  
Sincerely,m  
  
Tom.  
  
  
  
Dear Tomikins,  
  
Are you a werewolf?  
  
From,  
  
R.J.L  
  
  
Dear Mr. Lupin,  
  
No I am not.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
P.S. Never make fun of my name!  
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––  
  
Yes I know. No letter's from Harry. But you did get two chapters in one day.


	11. Month Eleven.

I donÕt own Harry Potter.

______________________________________________

Hey Tom, 

You're really cool! So I was wondering,could you hook me up with Severus please!?

I love you!

Thanks!

Dear Isis,

I thought I put a restraining order on you!

Sincerely,

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «)

Ç«¬á...¡è*Tom*¡è...á«¬`È

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)

Dear Tom,

Yes! He turned as white as a sheet and then he turned blue! Thank you very much for agreeing to come kill him yourself. Will Mr. Potter be coming to my school until he graduates? That would be wonderful. I am anxiously awaiting your arrival here to view the grounds since many are eager to see if I have gone quite out of my mind. It seems that Fudge has been sending the American Ministry of Magic information on how terrible you are. No one cares so we all sent him Howlers. The students are dyeing to meet you and I had to tell several of them more then once that you are not taking Death Eaters anymore but that you have retired. I'm sure they will idolize you in my school. 

I hope all is going well with Mr. Potter, Mrs. Potter, and their son Tom correct? I hope things go well. Oh, and I have another question for you please. Lockheart (I know, again) has decided that he does not want the Potions class anymore so he has gone to the Hospital Wing. He thinks that you will not dare to look for him there. The password is 'Sugar Plums' so please make little work of him soon. I dare say he shall become a ghost and haunt us. Do you know how to get rid of unwanted ghosts?

-Headmistress Selena Moonlight.

Dear Ms. Moonlight,

Ahhhh. DonÕt you just just love how violent you americanÕs are? TheyÕll all be going to your school when they can. I am afraid that IÕll have to step up my visit to tomorrow. The best way to get rid of an un wanted ghost would be to put a drop of dragonÕs breath in an oil lamp that was charmed for ghosts to live in it. Then open it, all the ghost's in the room shall be sucked in and destroyed.

See you tomorrow,

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «)

Ç«¬á...¡è*Tom*¡è...á«¬`È

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)

Sh*t (Amanda what's wrong) labor can you write the letter Siri (Sure) 

~this is now Sirius writing normally~ 

Hey we were wondering what you think we should name our son. The girl's gonna be named Faith and Harry and Ginny got to chose the boy's name but they can't agree. 

Please chose one of two 

1. Luke 

2. Nicholi (Nek-o-li)

Dear Sirius,

I thought you were going to name the boy Kyle. Well. A.O.D. has an uncle named Luke. So he sayÕs use that.

Sincerely,

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «)

Ç«¬á...¡è*Tom*¡è...á«¬`È

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)

Dear Tom, 

My last letter as rather mean... so I apologize. Anyway... can I get my dark mark soon??? I hate Dumbledore, and he's messed up anyway. After all, he DID duplicate Pansy's stupid Draco doll for Hermione, and she still passed while playing with the stupid doll instead of actually copying notes in class that I depend on for her to explain to me. You don't need a glamour potion though. I stole the Moste Potente book from the library and found a variation of the Poly juice. I managed to poison Cho, and she died! I hope that gives me qualifications to become a death eater. I'm willing to spy for you. How's Ginny and Harry by the way? 

Sincerely,

Ron.

Dear Ron,

Have you been in a seven year Coma. I. Am. Retired. I thought that you were there when your family went to visit the PotterÕs? I shall force Charles to take you on as a high ranking Death Eater.

Sincerely,

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «)

Ç«¬á...¡è*Tom*¡è...á«¬`È

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)

Dear Tommy Wommy Bo-Bommy, 

Can I have your permission to kill charles and his son and become The new dark lord of Europe? You are me idol and I want to be like you, You were the best Dark Lord. Can we meet In brazil and you could give me a few pointers?

Your Number One Fan, 

Dark Lord of the Caribbean.

Dear Dark Lord of the Caribbean,

I am hosting a Dark lord convention on august 26. IÕll be giving tipÕs and C.D. with all my tipÕs will be for sale at the price of $12.00. Sure, yeah, whatever. Kill each other off. Maybe then Ron could get his Dark Mark. There will be a notice given at the next union meeting.

Sincerely,

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «)

Ç«¬á...¡è*Tom*¡è...á«¬`È

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)

Dear Tom Marvolo Riddle, 

Albhed is a language!! It'll probably help Lily think your weird and she'll scamper away!!! 

Just tell me what you want to tell her and I'll tranlate it into Albhed! 

-Addy (Home Schooling Witch)

Dear Addy,

Just tell her what me and Harry have been doing all the time.

Sincerely,

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «)

Ç«¬á...¡è*Tom*¡è...á«¬`È

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)

Dear Great and wondrous lord, the one whose name we tremble under, the sight of which sends muggles and wizards alike scuttering, the name that is spoken in whispers only in the bravest of houses, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, the darkest of Dark Lords, the descrimator of light and the destroyer of innocent, 

I have a question: 

What colored socks do you wear? 

Love, 

Muffy.

Dear Muffy,

There lace rimmed pink sockÕs (ÒÅÓ)

Sincerely,

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «)

Ç«¬á...¡è*Tom*¡è...á«¬`È

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)

Dear Tom,

I think that you are the greatest Dark Lord ever. What should I give to you so that I can own the chocolate factories in this world and my home country if you take over the world. And congrats to your great grandson. 

P.S. Can you pls. kill all the annoying terrorists and tell them that you are way better than them. 

PPS How'd you get to be so popular? 

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «) 

Ç«¬á...¡è* Mika*¡è...á«¬`È 

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)

Dear Mika,

Talk to Charles. I have retired, Okay? IÕll tell Harry you give your congratÕs.

Sincerely,

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «)

Ç«¬á...¡è*Tom*¡è...á«¬`È

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)

Dear Dad,

When are you going to visit me. Here is the address of the nursing home I work at.

Sincerely,

SnapeÕs Mom.

P.S. I would visit ÔyouÕ. But I canÕt get a day off this year that isnÕt booked.

Dear Daughter,

IÕll come for Easter Dinner.

Sincerely,

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «)

Ç«¬á...¡è*Tom*¡è...á«¬`È

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)

Dear Tom,

Chibi Tom is now ten Lb.'s and gaining rather fast. IÕll see you in two monthÕs. Till then, I rock. LOL.

Sincerely,

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «)

Ç«¬á...¡è*Harry*¡è...á«¬`È

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)

Dear Harry,

My, my. ThatÕs quite a big Ego you are growing there. But I guess that is just some thing that is hereditary. IÕll see you when you get back.

Sincerely,

`'á.ü(`'á.ü*¡è*ü.á'«)ü.á' «)

Ç«¬á...¡è*Tom*¡è...á«¬`È

(ü.á'«(ü.á'«*¡è*`'á .ü)`'á.)


	12. Month Twelve.

Disclaimer:  
Roses are red,  
Violet's are blue,  
Me don't own,  
So you don't sue.  
  
_______________________________________________  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Oh, thanks a whole damn f*****' bunch! Your rejection sent Bethany back to James, and he doesn't deserve her! Now they're combined fortunes are financing Bethany's army, which she managed to start up not long ago. Plus, you may not know this, but I knew everything that you said to Ares in our school years. How do I know? That will be explained in the letter attached to this one.  
  
Not one bit sincerely,  
  
Karen De'Blanche-Heraldry.  
  
  
Dear Karen,  
  
Why would I care. I'll list the reason's why I am not scared. One. Satan has guarantied me that i can't be killed because nether God nor him want's me in Hell. I would take over. Two. An Army made up of mercenary's can be easily taken over by a richer power. Have you not read who are the top five richest wizards and witch's. My great Grand son has more money than any of the other four combined.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Well, when I make a threat I carry through with it. My army has been started. We are called 'The Wayward Angels'. You forgot one crucial thing about me, Tom: I. Am. A. Spirit. Elemental. I can read minds, restore memories, and I never lose a memory. You never were able to fool me in any way. So there! I also always made sure that Ares wasn't missing any memories. He was remembering properly in his letter, I assure you of that. Just remember that when my armies attack at the Dark Lord convention. *evil grin* And I know perfectly well how many years I have left. Exactly 70 years, 6 months, 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 27 seconds, and 59 milliseconds. My heir shall be my daughter, Chloe (and she's not James' daughter either...). She's perfect for the role. Evil, just like her mother. Oh, and I must show you this...*a shiny ring with a nice big diamond is shown on Bethany's ring finger* You can guess what it is. I f you don't believe that I'm a spirit elemental, maybe I should convince you...*a rather large ball of fire suddenly appears and chases tom around the room*Mwaahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!  
  
Yours,  
  
Bethany, AKA Lady Doblo  
  
Dear Bethany,  
  
I'll tell you what I told Karen. An Army of mercenary's is no good if there's someone wealthier than you. So it is logical that my great grandson would offer much more to your mercenary's than you can. The few that remain in your army won't be able to fight off an army of zombie's. YES, that's right. Harry is a Necromancer. Your small brain probably wont know what that mean's. Necro is greek for dead. Necromancer's can control the dead. They usually don't go to the good side. But Harry did. Oh and Harry can open a portal to the dead zone. Then you can spend the rest of eternity listening to other's who met the same fate scream. So you see, I have nothing to fear from you. Also, it is a bad idea to tell the enemy your plans.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
uh, something happened to Luke at the hospital and he was turned into a vampire. Do you know a way to get him human again? If not we're gonna shun him  
  
Amanda and Sirius.  
  
  
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Black,  
  
You are horrible parent's. Shunning him just because he became a vampire. I hate to say this, but you are just as bad as my father. Well all you have to do is get harry to raise his human soul.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Tom,  
  
Thomas Grant Riddle! Where on Earth have you been? I've been waiting forever! You told me you'd come back to marry me as soon as you were done being evil, and now i see this! This is what i find! You sit here on your worthless butt answering mail while i rot away at home, waiting for you to come back! I cant wait forever, Tom! I'm leaving you!  
  
  
Your disgruntled ex-fiance,  
  
Estella.  
  
  
Dear Estella.  
  
Sorry about that. Albus put a memory charm on me. I'll be there to mary you as soon as I dump Jan Brady. Please don't leave me baby, now that you shocked that memory back into me.  
  
See you tomorrow,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
I don't like Charles. He's mean. He called me too impotent to be a Death Eater. I want a Dark Mark from you. After all, YOU'RE much more important. And yes I was in a coma. Hermione had put a coma curse on me for saying that she had problems for falling in love with the Draco doll. Can I replace Charles's position? When is your birthday anyway? I stuck a chicken egg underneath a frog. You can have them for your birthday. The Basilisk might hatch soon.  
  
Ron.  
  
  
Dear Ron,  
  
I now realize that appointing Charles was a mistake. The Dark lord of the Caribbean. As for the Basilisk. You can give it to me as a wedding gift.  
  
See you at the up and coming Dark Lord convention,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear T-man,  
  
I've got disco fever and i'm an angel. I have babies that talk and I lived through the 50s. You are far out and groovy! I think you are outta sight!!!! Just thought i'd share  
  
John Travolta!  
  
  
Dear J–Man,  
  
Oh, aren't you the star of my favorite movie Saturday Night Fever.' Could I have your autograph?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom Riddle,  
  
I wanted to thank you for killing Lockheart. When you left (I hope you liked our American food by the way) his ghost returned and I was able to destroy it. Well, all of the students absolutely adore you and can't wait until you become a teacher here. Ms. Carmella, the other Charms teacher that you met, seemed very interested to meet you again *wink*. Well, I have another question for you.  
  
This Charles, he isn't as great as you were. Why not ask your grandson Severus Snape or your great grandson Harry Potter to take over the job? I'm sure they would do much better.  
  
Also, I have yet another problem. We have a new Divination professor and her name is Sibyll Trelawany (I wonder why all of the crack pot professors from Hogwarts are coming to my school). She is becoming quite annoying and I have reason to believe she is molesting the students. When I asked those that came to complain, they wanted to know if you could help.  
  
Honestly, you have become the most popular teacher here, even though you haven't even started teaching yet! I'm wondering how I can torture Trelawany before I kill her or ask someone else to kill her. Do you have any suggestions for me?  
  
-Headmistress Selena Moonlight.  
  
  
Dear Ms. Moonlight,  
  
Yes, I had a wonderful trip (Not with DRUGS! Drug's aren't cool. [A/N. can any one say subliminal messaging?]) the food was great. Barley any saturated fat and it tasted great. What did you call it? Oh' yes. A Double Quarter Pounder with cheese and a Coke.' Kill just about any one of the teachers that the student's are complaining about. As for torture. Ask A.O.D.  
  
K.C. fan on a Mac here. My best form of torture is the Hug, hug' form. If that doesn't work. I'll send my little brother who asks if he should worry, all the time. Now, back to Tom.  
  
You could also smash each finger and toe with a hammer, and do it slowly. Didn't you expect such an intelligent, handsome man, to become the most popular teacher at the school?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
U always say bite me to her! here's the translation!  
  
pudi li!   
  
^^ Have a good day!  
  
-Addy.  
  
  
Dear Addy,  
  
Thanks for the translation. She'll think that I've gone nut's. I shall send you thousand's of Galleon's if it work's.  
  
Love,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
I'm one of Addy's friends and I'm wondering if u like to read romance novels? Have u played FF9?  
  
-Mereika  
  
  
Dear -Mereika,  
  
No I don't read Romance Novel's. (Run's and burn's allot of book's on the shelf.) And NO, I DO NOT PLAY MUGGLE GAME'S!  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tom.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
How are you? Do you own fluffy pink slippers? If you do, can I borrow them? If you don't, can you buy me some? I saw Hermione with an inflatable Draco doll like Pansy had, she said it helped her study. Is there any spell that can make an inflatable doll change it's appearance to a very scary/ugly/funny looking thing?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Divine.  
  
  
Dear Divine,  
  
Just pop the damn doll's. Then throw them both into the dead zone.  
  
A VeRy CrAzY,  
  
ToM.  
  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
Chibi Tom is almost twelve Lb.'s He has started a steady growth pattern now. He look's just like Dad now, but with your eye's. Also, me and Ginny are having a party for our first anniversary.  
  
Love,  
  
Harry.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
It's great to hear from you. I'll be at the party with a gift. Till then, I rock.  
  
Love,  
  
Tom.


End file.
